I have never come across a recipe for jam that involved meat. Why then, would I look to Vegetarian Times for a new strawberry jam project? Turning to this publication is really a statement that you wish to avoid all the hideous animal by-products you are likely to find in other recipe collections. That you feel it is the vegetarians who have their heads on straight and who will lead you to the creation of food that is not only delicious and wholesome, but also ethically virtuous. Nothing with eyes gave its life for your jam. Nothing that ever drew breath suffered in order for you to enjoy your morning toast. A lovely premise, no doubt.
But.
Vegetarians, in their zeal to take the high road in the kitchen, may sometimes overlook some critical elements, as I discovered recently.
I stumbled across this recipe for strawberry jam while perusing some articles involving quinoa and chia—two MIRACLE foods of which nobody had ever heard prior to about a year ago, and without which, apparently, we can no longer live.
The recipe seduced me with its photograph. Luscious strawberries look twice as good in the middle of the Canadian winter. They evoke thoughts of springtime, the garden, and maybe even a jaunt to the local pick-your-own farm. On the page, they were glossy, bright red, and delicious looking, set in the gooey texture of jam recently cooked. Checking the list of ingredients, I decided to give it a try. Wow, I thought; hardly any sugar compared to the recipe I had used in the past. And no Certo at all. Impressive. A true reflection of my optimistic nature. What I should have been feeling was suspicion. After all, why would I have been putting in cups and cups of sugar and complete boxes of Certo for all these years if they were extraneous ingredients? Still, it was tempting to try omitting them. And I believed the highly principled publishers of this magazine would not lead me astray.
Needless to say, the results bore no resemblance to the beautiful picture. The stuff was a dark, runny mess with wizened bits of berry in a watery soup. No gelling had occurred; I guess I now know the function of Certo. Anyone who claims you can substitute an apple or an orange for pectin is lying through his or her vegetarian teeth.
It tasted worse than it looked, if this is possible. More sour than the berries had been before they were cooked. It was unredeemable, by my family’s standards.
The upside to this experiment was that I had gone minimal; there were only 5 small jars of “jam” to dispose of show for the day’s work. I’ll figure out how to use them in such a way as to not offend. Drawing upon the ingenuity of all mothers, I will throw this stuff into smoothies, fruit salad if I can get away with it, and the ultimate mystery environment—spaghetti sauce. If they’re hungry enough, they’ll never notice.
The hell with it—next time I make jam, I’m using meat.
Do These Words Make Me Look Fat? 