6 ½-hours in van hurtling down the 401—voted “Least Scenic Road of All Time.” (By me.)
3-minutes between arrival at cottage and first person launching himself into the lake.
2-pool noodles brought along to provide swimming entertainment.
½-pool noodles remaining on dock at end of day one.
74-fish with compromised digestive tracts as a result of consuming hunks of purple pool noodle.
3-trips to Canadian Tire to buy hooks, lures, sinkers, and license for fishing.
17-heinous grammatical errors committed by Mom trying to say, “hooks, lures, sinkers, and license for fishing” in French. (Apparently this vocabulary is not covered in the grade 9 curriculum.)
23-fish down in the lake sporting ‘bling’ from enthusiastic fishing attempts.
5-eager hikers that set out to walk the Point Trail on day 2.
43-melodramatic comments made by youngest child during hike, including several repetitions of, “How much longer is it?” and, “I’m gonna die out here!”
43-enthusiastic cheerleading comments made by moms during hike.
27-black fly bites on Mom’s left leg after hike.
0-black fly bites on Mom’s right leg after hike. Really-what is up with that?!?
5-swims in the lake per person per day.
0-showers taken by people under the age of 14 over the course of 3 days.
3-very happy people under the age of 14, smelling a whole lot like fish.
999-pieces of jigsaw puzzle painstakingly assembled by 4 kids and 2 Moms.
1-piece of jigsaw puzzle omitted from box by puzzle factory worker with questionable sense of humour.
19-games of cards, backgammon, Scattergories,™ and Monopoly™ played by various participants.
6-cards and game pieces chewed and/or drooled upon by the dog.
4-rounds of “Kick the Can” played by absolutely everyone. Even the dog.
5-prisoners taken who participated in heartfelt rendition of, “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen,” while awaiting rescue.
2-moms who are going to pack camouflage-coloured t-shirts next time. Fuschia and orange: serious “fails” when playing hiding games in the Laurentian landscape.
3-kids asleep by the time we reach the top of the driveway, heading home Sunday night.
23-pieces of Tim Horton’s detritus found secreted away in van crevices the day after the trip.
1000-times we’d do it all over again.
Do These Words Make Me Look Fat? 