Cottage Weekend in Quebec, by the Numbers

6 ½-hours in van hurtling down the 401—voted “Least Scenic Road of All Time.” (By me.)

3-minutes between arrival at cottage and first person launching himself into the lake.

2-pool noodles brought along to provide swimming entertainment.

½-pool noodles remaining on dock at end of day one.

74-fish with compromised digestive tracts as a result of consuming hunks of purple pool noodle.

3-trips to Canadian Tire to buy hooks, lures, sinkers, and license for fishing.

17-heinous grammatical errors committed by Mom trying to say, “hooks, lures, sinkers, and license for fishing” in French. (Apparently this vocabulary is not covered in the grade 9 curriculum.)

23-fish down in the lake sporting ‘bling’ from enthusiastic fishing attempts.

5-eager hikers that set out to walk the Point Trail on day 2.

43-melodramatic comments made by youngest child during hike, including several repetitions of, “How much longer is it?” and, “I’m gonna die out here!”

43-enthusiastic cheerleading comments made by moms during hike.

27-black fly bites on Mom’s left leg after hike.

0-black fly bites on Mom’s right leg after hike. Really-what is up with that?!?

5-swims in the lake per person per day.

0-showers taken by people under the age of 14 over the course of 3 days.

3-very happy people under the age of 14, smelling a whole lot like fish.

999-pieces of jigsaw puzzle painstakingly assembled by 4 kids and 2 Moms.

1-piece of jigsaw puzzle omitted from box by puzzle factory worker with questionable sense of humour.

19-games of cards, backgammon, Scattergories,™ and Monopoly™ played by various participants.

6-cards and game pieces chewed and/or drooled upon by the dog.

4-rounds of “Kick the Can” played by absolutely everyone. Even the dog.

5-prisoners taken who participated in heartfelt rendition of, “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen,” while awaiting rescue.

2-moms who are going to pack camouflage-coloured t-shirts next time. Fuschia and orange: serious “fails” when playing hiding games in the Laurentian landscape.

3-kids asleep by the time we reach the top of the driveway, heading home Sunday night.

23-pieces of Tim Horton’s detritus found secreted away in van crevices the day after the trip.

1000-times we’d do it all over again.


6 thoughts on “Cottage Weekend in Quebec, by the Numbers

  1. Thanks a lot. Now I have Howard Cable’s The Black Fly Song in my head. Nice.
    In north on-tar-I-o, I-o….

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